so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
