Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
