This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
