I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I cut my penus on the lid.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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