She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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