dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
