i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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