I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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