yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
