I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
