i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
two words: eviction party
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
