He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
