You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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