so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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