Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
