Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
