I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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