If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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