It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
