yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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