Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He shit in the fireplace
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
