I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
