Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
