awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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