Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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