Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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