i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
