you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
