I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just pee around me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
