The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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