Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
