Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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