They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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