Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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