I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
