Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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