I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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