I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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