wat bout pragnant strippers??
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
