he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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