atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
