Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
