***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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