She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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