Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
