My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
