I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
