I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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