i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
