the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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