What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
