tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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