All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
