i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
