He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
