So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
