dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
