I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
