And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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