I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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