He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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