The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
