I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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