did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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