i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
