Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
